10 Things Adoption Agencies Won't Say

Adoption may seem like an altruistic endeavor, but it’s also big business—and a loosely regulated one at that. “Nobody’s watching for cheaters,” says Adam Pertman, executive director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute and author of Adoption Nation.

Adoption has always been a local, not federal, issue, and statutes governing it vary from state to state. And few states, Pertman says, go far enough in monitoring and enforcing standards that would prevent adoption agencies from tactics like pressuring pregnant women or lying to adoptive parents.

So how can prospective adoptive parents start the process with confidence? First, avoid searching the Web blindly; the Internet is replete with agencies that lack a physical location—a major red flag. Instead, check out the National Foster Care & Adoption Directory, a database funded by the Department of Health and Human Services that lists licensed agencies by state. You can also research an agency’s history of complaints by contacting the licensing specialist—also listed on the site—in the state where your adoption will take place. Finally, the directory can point you to support groups that offer independent references for an agency.

When prospective parents ask how long an adoption will take, agencies often quote an average of one to two years. But the process can take even longer. First, a social worker must conduct a home study to gauge your ability to become an adoptive parent; this can involve multiple home visits and FBI clearance. When agencies estimate time frames, they typically don’t include the duration of a home study in their estimates, so be sure to factor in the four months it often takes.

Next, you must wait for a child or birth mother to be identified, then go through the legal steps—mostly paperwork—to finalize the adoption. International adoptions, in which the children often come from orphanages, can get slowed down by the country of origin’s political problems or red tape. In domestic infant adoptions, the adoption agency compiles a profile describing each family and the environment it can provide a child. The birth mother chooses adoptive parents based on these profiles, and she can be swayed by a seemingly unimportant detail, such as the prospective parents’ native state or even a pet’s name. So to avoid disappointment, prospective parents should ask what the average wait time is for people who have yet to be picked by a birth mother.

Although domestic adoptions are very rarely contested in court, experts estimate that about half of birth moms decide to keep the child at some point between the initial verbal commitment to adoption and the official termination of legal rights after the birth. Given that statistic, if an agency promises brisker-than-average results, take it as a signal that it may not be adequately investigating who else in the birth mother’s family is involved. To avoid being misled, ask the agency if it has ruled out the possibility of any biological relatives trying to claim the child. Maureen Flatley Hogan, a Bostonbased adoption lobbyist, cites recent cases in which the child’s paternal grandparents challenged an adoption. You’ll also want to ask what steps were taken to include the father in the process. Beware if the agency tells you the birth mom doesn’t know who the father is—it could leave the door open for a potential father to make a claim later.

Sometimes a birth mother contacts an agency within days of her delivery. In such cases, relinquishment shouldn’t happen until she’s out of the hospital and has received 8 to 12 hours of counseling with a social worker from an agency with extensive adoption experience. In such a case, confirm with the agency that this procedure has been followed—and get it in writing if you can.