Survival Tips for Commuter Couples

But that opportunity comes at a hefty price. Palacios barely sees her family anymore. She now works and lives in Kansas City, Mo., 200 miles away from her husband in Omaha, Neb. The couple only sees each other once every three or four weeks, a lifestyle that has put stress on their marriage, as well as their finances."[My husband] doesn't understand the extra bills. And he doesn't understand I've tried hard to get back, but I can't force anyone to give me a job offer [in Omaha]," she says.

Palacios spends $1,400 a month on housing and utilities, not to mention the expense of traveling home. And even though she's learned to live frugally — she packs her lunch and doesn't eat out — she still isn't saving any money outside of her 401(k). With no viable work options in Omaha — she would have to take a 50% pay cut in order to move back — Palacios has decided to remain in Kansas City, where she at least has a job that she loves. "I'm not sure I'll be happy with just any job I get in Omaha," she says.

While Palacios's situation certainly isn't the norm, a growing number of American workers have also found themselves in a "commuter marriage." Thanks to such factors as globalization, the number of commuter marriages was up 23% between 2000 and 2005 (the latest year for which statistics are available), affecting 3.57 million people, according to an analysis of Census numbers by the Center for the Study of Long-Distance Relationships.

The strength of the economy and the job market also plays a role. "When the economy is bad, people are willing to take any job. When it's good, a move is viewed as a career opportunity." explains Greg Guldner, director of the center, which provides resources for couples in long distance relationships and the therapists who work with them.

Whichever category a commuting spouse falls into can play a large role in how they feel about their decision. Palacios, who in 2004 was forced to relocate to Kansas City in order to keep her job (she was later laid off), says that although she's happy with her current job, she's still bitter about having to move in the first place.

Then, there are people like 51-year-old David King, who took a job as vice president of business development at Peregrine Pharmaceuticals, a bio-pharmaceutical company in Orange County, Calif. He knew full well it would mean sacrificing time with his wife, who lives in La Jolla, Calif. To avoid the three-hour commute, King rents a one-bedroom condo near his office and the couple alternates visiting each other over the weekends. "I was so attracted to the team at this company and the [career] promise, it was such a good fit that I decided it would be worth it," he says.

The good news: Living apart is temporary for most couples. The average separation lasts 1.5 years, according to Guldner, with only one quarter of spouses expecting to be apart for five years or more. But even short-lived, a commuter marriage comes with challenges that need to be addressed.

"[A commuter marriage] almost exclusively is a cash flow issue," says Sheryl Garrett, founder of the Garrett Planning Network, a nationwide network of fee-only financial planners. Not only should the couple's income cover their increased expenses, she says it should also help make up "for the psychological disadvantages to the time apart and the strain on your relationship."

While cash flow isn't a problem for King he does get annoyed with the hassle of dealing with two sets of bills, food shopping and coordinating mail so he receives the right package at the right address. Despite his pristine credit, he was once denied a credit card because he gave his Orange County address rather than the home one.

Such frustrations may be unavoidable, but they can be minimized with careful planning. Here are three quick tips for a smooth commuter marriage.

The couple closed all but one checking account. Their savings were periodically transferred to a joint brokerage account and they only used one credit card, on which both were authorized users. The whole thing was fully transparent so each spouse could keep track of the family budget. Ultimately, it gave the two more time to concentrate on each other rather than their finances. It worked so well, they continued using the system even after they started living together again.

For those who want more financial freedom, Hayden recommends adding "his" and "hers" separate accounts to the picture, in which each spouse keeps a monthly discretionary allowance and no questions are asked about where it goes.

Depending on the state you live in and the state you're moving to, you may or may not need to change your insurance policies. Either way, it's always a good idea to discuss it with your insurer, says Katherine Mazeika, editor of Insure.com. That way, should you need to file a claim in your second-home state, there won't be any unpleasant surprises. Owning or renting a second home also means you may have to add homeowners or renters insurance. The last thing you want, after all, is a disaster far from home to create a bigger hole in your financial lives.